Confidence doesn’t always arrive with a roar. Sometimes, it builds quietly — and in ways you least expect.

I recently worked with a woman in her mid-thirties who described herself, without hesitation, as someone who "lacks confidence." For her, this wasn’t a passing feeling — it was a fact. A permanent label. Like many talented people, she believed self-doubt was simply part of who she was.

But here’s the truth: confidence is rarely all-or-nothing. It often hides in plain sight.

The First Step? Awareness

The shift didn’t come from a motivational speech or a big win at work. It started with awareness.

I asked her to begin noticing — really noticing — when she felt confident and when she didn’t. That might sound small. But when you’ve lived under a blanket of self-doubt, noticing the difference is a breakthrough.

She boxed regularly at the gym. So I asked how she felt there.

Her answer surprised her:

“I feel strong. People watch me. I’m focused. I don’t mind being seen.”

That’s confidence. Right there. In a public space. It just hadn’t been recognised for what it was.

Confidence Isn’t Missing — It’s Mislabelled

That realisation became her first piece of emotional evidence. Confidence wasn’t something she lacked — it was something she hadn’t been naming.

And like training a muscle, she started strengthening that awareness. Little by little, her story about herself began to shift.

Testing the Change

Not long ago, she brought me an idea she was working on. It had gaps. I told her so, and I challenged her thinking.

Then I asked:

“Did that shake your confidence?”

She thought about it. Smiled. And said,

“No. It didn’t.”

That moment mattered. Not because her idea was perfect. But because she no longer took feedback as proof of her not being enough.

What This Means for You

If you feel like you're lacking in self-confidence, try this:

• Track your own evidence. When do you feel grounded? Calm? In control?

• Notice where confidence already lives. Is it with friends? In the gym? While solving problems?

• Shift the story. “I lack confidence” can become “I’m learning to see where I already feel strong.”

Because more often than not, confidence isn’t something we build from scratch.
It’s something we uncover.

Ready to Strengthen Your Confidence?

If you’re ready to stop second-guessing yourself and start feeling more grounded in how you lead, let’s talk.

To book a 1:1 coaching session, just send me an email at [email protected] — I’ll reply personally with next steps.

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need a starting point.