How Emotionally Intelligent Leaders Build Trust (Even When They’re Not Liked)
Oct 20, 2025What One Client Taught Me About Leadership, Trust, and Growth
A former client reached out the other day with an update.
The shift in them was striking.
When we first started working together, they carried a strong protective shell — what many would call ego. It had been built over time, shaped by past experiences and the need to stay safe in high-pressure environments.
But the person on the phone was different. Grounded. Clear. Calm. No armour in sight.
That kind of change doesn’t happen by accident. It’s earned. And when I see it, I know the work we did together made a difference.
They also said something that stuck with me:
“When I first met you, I didn’t really like you.”
Years ago, that comment would’ve had me questioning myself for days. Maybe longer. But not anymore.
Here’s why: I’m not in the business of being liked. I’m in the business of being trusted.
And sometimes, trust requires challenge. It requires holding a mirror up. And let’s be honest, that can be uncomfortable at first.
But it made me pause.
If someone felt that way at the beginning, is there something in my presence that might make people hesitate early on?
Maybe. But I’d rather show up in a way that builds long-term trust than settle for short-term likability.
And that’s the message I want to share with you today:
You don’t need to be liked by everyone. But you do need to trust yourself.
So many leaders shrink when they’re judged or inflate when they’re praised. But in both cases, the focus shifts away from their core and toward external validation.
Here’s the truth: neither judgment nor praise changes who you are. It just changes your internal story. And that’s something you can choose to take control of.
If you're leading a team, growing a company, or simply trying to show up with more clarity and confidence — this is where the real work is.
Stop outsourcing your identity to what others think. Start building it from the inside out.
This is the foundation of emotional intelligence. And when leaders strengthen it, everything changes — for them, their people, and the results they create.
If you're ready to lead with more impact by understanding yourself more deeply, I help leaders and their teams do exactly that.
Email me directly at [email protected] or visit hooper-rees.com to learn how we can work together.
Let’s build trust — not just with others, but with yourself.